UVR3

During the week before the Rumble proper, the inclusion of Thanos in the draw had made a lot of the invited fighters angry, once they learned who and what he was. Superheroes they could handle. Someone with a gun or a sword could be disarmed, tricked, or just plain outfought. Wizards are, at the end of the day, just a human who knows a few neat tricks. Even demons have some kind of Achilles' heel. But a demigod, now... a demigod was a source of genuine concern (no one counted the War Gods). Many of them had made it a point to find someone who had fought Thanos before, so they'd know how to survive a run-in with him.

Almost everyone wound up talking to Wolverine. For the cost of a beer, he'd tell most people exactly how to deal with Thanos without getting killed. After a hundred and fifty people had bought him a beer, all in one day, Wolverine was telling everyone who'd listen how to fight Thanos; this included the bartender, the janitor, and the potted plant in the corner of the bar. Then he sobered up in five minutes and went off to pick a fight with Juggernaut.

Thus, when Thanos entered the ring, he was instantly a target. No one wanted to continue the fights they'd started only to have Thanos rip them apart from behind, and everyone knew all about him. He was overrun, a half-dozen attempts at a super either sailing over his head or bouncing off his block.

"Get your hands OFF me, you CRETINS!" Thanos roared. His hands filled with concussive force, blasting his opponents away in all directions. "Must Thanos dispatch every half-wit from here to the ends of the galaxy?!"

Thanos vanished and reappeared on his feet, his eyes still blazing with the kind of rage usually reserved for the New Testament. The ring began to shake as stone pillars rose out of it, the Reality Gem warping canvas and steel into granite slabs two feet thick.

As the pillars closed, Captain America managed to jump out from between them, Sogetsu teleported out in a blast of water, and Nakoruru caught onto Mamahaha and flew away; Jeffry McWild had no such abilities, however, and was too busy pounding Bison into the ring floor like a tent stake anyway. Both men were caught in the slowly closing vise and crushed to shadows.

"Such is the fate of all who oppose me," Thanos said with great satisfaction, watching Jeffry drop weakly to the mat. "Behold the final result of challenging omnipotence--"

King screamed inarticulately and leapt into the air, Tornado Kicking Thanos in the face. As she flipped away from him, Cy-5 hopped into the ring behind her. The War God dashed forward to hit her in the back, but Captain America was there; as Cy-5 drew back his fist, Cap threw himself between them.

"Stars and Stripes!"

Cy-5 was thrown headlong into Terminator 2. As he fell, a stray grenade punched into his sternum and exploded, showering the oncoming Terminator army with cyborg parts.

Silverbolt's voice cut into the live feed again. "WAR GODS SUCK!"

"Can't you get him to stop that?" Wanderer asked. "It kind of looks bad when we don't even think a given competitor is any good."

Birdman shook his head. "No way. The audience likes it."

The chant ran throughout the RumbleDome. "WAR GODS SUCK! WAR GODS SUCK!" Someone in the upper deck was holding a hastily made "Silverbolt for President" sign.

King turned around to deal with Thanos, and her eyes widened as a boulder the size of her head hurtled towards her. Once again, though, Cap was there, smashing the boulder out of the air with his shield.

"So, Terran," Thanos said, his eyes unconsciously smoking, "we meet again."

"We'll continue to meet until you're finished, Titan!" Cap shouted.

"You should hope to live so long." Thanos unleashed another blast, this time calling upon the Power Gem. King let out a strangled shriek as Captain America pushed her to the ground and fell on top of her, his shield protecting them both from the enormous fireball Thanos flung at them.

Cap rolled to his feet, his uniform smoldering, and dashed forward at Thanos. "You'll have to do better than that!"

King coughed out smoke. "Not... *too* much better... though..." Directly across the ring, Blackheart was having the time of his life. Hsien-Ko was delayed en route to Demitri by a pillar of flame. Sogetsu was held immobile by a swarm of demons. An Armageddon slammed Chun Li to the ground. Alex Flash Chopped through a lightning bolt, but then flew into the air as the mat under his feet exploded. The demon lord seemed unstoppable.

Then he attacked Nakoruru. Marching stubbornly towards Blackheart, she stopped every couple of seconds to flick her cape, deflecting his Dark Thunder back at him and slaying those imps stupid enough to come near.

As she drew within sword's reach, Nakoruru suddenly let out a startled yell and scrambled away. Blackheart started to laugh, but then realized Nakoruru was looking behind him, not at him. He turned around.

Blackheart caught Thanos' stray comet in the teeth. It knocked him unconscious and into the air, not so much a body as a weakly moving sack of ash. Nakoruru was still nearby; with a fierce upwards slash, she knocked the falling demon out of the ring and into a rewarding career as a speed bump in San Francisco Rush.

The fireball continued on to explode against the forcefields surrounding the ring. Nearby, Demitri and Hsien-Ko continued their battle, despite being thrown on their faces by the blast.

Hsien-Ko was still giggling like a fiend. "Hehehe... kill the Darkstalkers... kill 'em all..."

Demitri picked himself up and dusted off his cape. "I will drain the organizers of this tournament dry. First half a dozen would-be undead slayers, and now you." He spat. "I despise unprofessional behavior."

Hsien-Ko replied by folding her arms. Demitri, who was far more familiar with her Jireitou than he would have liked, teleported to her other side as the canvas between them sprouted a forest of thrusting sword blades.

As the two Darkstalkers started ripping each other into kibble, Jeffry staggered to his feet a short distance away. He didn't feel well.

He felt worse after Bison bounced a Psycho Shot off his forehead. The dictator flickered into existence a short distance away, looking a lot better than Jeffry did.

"Can we not..." Jeffry was a little out of breath. "...continue this after a five-minute rest?"

"Come on, mighty warrior," Bison jeered, levitating slightly. "You are the first step on my road to conquest."

Jeffry shrugged and staggered forward, reaching for him. Bison floated slightly backward to avoid his grab and flew back at him, his hands and body igniting in the Psycho Crusher, blasting into Jeffry's stomach like a rocket. The Virtua Fighter, crackling faintly, fell over the "ropes".

Room 1237, RumbleDome Hotel

"These are the best mercenaries the future can offer?" Deimos demanded. "Have our descendants been mating with sheep?"

Al'Rashid acted offended. "Do not blame me for the quality of those who have decided to take up your offer, Deimos. I am not one of your subjects, we are not in Europe," he put a hand suggestively on one of his scimitars, "and I know where you sleep. Watch what you say to me."

Deimos' new employees watched this exchange interestedly. Nym Pymplee, noted goblin psychopath, was hopping up and down and cackling like a toddler on crystal meth. Near him, Balthazaar and the Executioner were arguing over exactly who was dressing like who. Balok, still smarting from his near-bisection at the hands of Siegfried, calmly stood at attention next to Dregan. The two knights had hit it off famously. Finally, Sabertooth lounged in an overstuffed chair with a beer in his hand and his pet telepath Birdie massaging his shoulders. He was smiling at Deimos, revealing teeth that belonged in an iron maiden.

Deimos began to say something else to the Arabian assassin, but realized the room had gone silent and stopped himself. The men who had responded to Al'Rashid's offer were not that bad--the one who had introduced himself as Victor Creed, in particular, looked quite competent, despite his clothing--but Deimos was in a foul mood.

The reason for this, Asmodeus, was calmly giving him orders in the back of his head. tHeSe SoUlS--sAkAzAkI, McWiLd, aNd MaXiMoV--aRe ToO pOtEnT tO lEaVe In ThE hAnDs Of PoTeNtIaL eNeMiEs.

So what would you have me do, then? Deimos demanded telepathically. He was starting to get angry. Move against your erstwhile "allies"?

PeRhApS. bUt NoT yEt. I wIsH fOr YoU tO KiLl ThE hOlDeRs Of ThEsE sOuLs.

Deimos frowned. But if they're that powerful...

Do NoT qUeStIoN mE, sErVaNt! Deimos gritted his teeth. I hOlD tHe MaCe Of TaNiS! nO oNe CaN StAnD aGaiNsT--

There was a lengthy pause. Is there a problem, my lord? He tried very hard not to sound sarcastic.

McWiLd HaS bEeN eLiMiNaTeD. Asmodeus snarled. GiVe YoUr UnDeRlInGs My OrDeRs. I wIlL bE iN cOnTaCt. The mental contact was abruptly gone. Magic(k) Security Offices, RumbleDome Hotel

"Not again..."

"What again?" Gabe Stevens looked up from his laptop screen. He was trying to decide how far left he could shift the decimal point in his paycheck before it became obvious.

"C'mere." Misty John gestured at a large observation screen that took up the entire west wall of their shared office. The screen showed a blueprint of the RumbleDome, showed from directly overhead, and with a slight manipulation, would scroll through the various floors. Right now, John had the screen keyed into one of the sub-basements. "See how that's glowing right there?" He jabbed at a storage closet.

"Yeah..." Gabe rubbed his eyes. "This is the magick detection screen, right?"

"The very one. This blob here means someone is using something fairly hefty in that basement. Ritual magick, my boy, is afoot."

"'My boy'?"

"I've seen this before," John continued, ignoring Gabe. "This is almost the same effect that Demitri used when he hacked into the elimination array at last year's Rumble."

"So someone's trying to govern where an eliminated fighter pops out?" Gabe asked.

"Most likely." He turned to face Gabe for the first time. "So, technoboy...?"

Gabe sighed. "I'm on it." He quit out of the Rumble's financial computer and returned to the Finder. Calling up one of his counter-programs, he keyed it into the subroutines in the RumbleDome's computer network that governed dimensional access. Pac-Man momentarily flew across his screen. "Got him. What did you want me to do with him?"

John grinned wickedly. "Listen up."

Sub-Basement 8-23-12, RumbleDome Hotel

Quan Chi abruptly stood, his hands and the circle in the floor around him glowing steadily brighter. "McWild has been eliminated."

"Suppertime!" Ogre rubbed his hands together.

"Don't be so sure," Jedah objected. "Blackheart may be gone, but the soul belongs to all of us."

"Blackheart's gone, Jedah, and he was a fool when he was here," Shinnok said with a note of finality. "None of you come even close to deserving this sort of power. This soul belongs to me."

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I miss something?" Jedah's scythe was suddenly in his hand. "Did I just hear you say this was yours? Are my ears deceiving me?" He cut them off with two quick slashes. "Well, that's the last time they'll do that..."

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Lilith muttered.

Quan Chi levitated slightly, shouting phrases in a gutteral language. The circle was suddenly occupied by someone other than Quan Chi, and the darkness settled back in like a falling curtain. All of the assembled demons turned to watch a figure settle into the circle with a faint gust of displaced air.

Ogre hungrily reached for the figure, but Grendal and Asmodeus were in his way.

"WhAt Is ThE mEaNiNg Of ThIs?" Asmodeus demanded. It had taken him a moment to step back into the real world. "HaVe YoU aLl GoNe InSaNe?!"

"Haven't you been paying attention, dear boy?" Ogre growled. "You're blocking access to my pre-fight snack, and I'm a little put out about that. Wouldn't you agree, dear?"

Nina Williams's eyes lit back up. She grabbed Jedah's head and twisted it, relishing the dry snap as his neck broke in two.

"My," Jedah murmured though a pinched larynx, "you're quite the fiesty one." He twisted his arm suddenly, cutting his head the rest of the way off and spraying Nina with blood. Nina screamed in pain and dropped him as his head reattached itself.

The fighting began in earnest after that, as the assembled demons and their minions tore into each other. Q-Bee stung Nina repeatedly, Asmodeus' hand clapped onto Ogre's head, Shinnok froze and uppercutted Jedah, and so on, and so forth. In minutes, the sub-basement looked like a suburb of Hell.

In the middle of it all, Quan Chi crouched inside the meager protection offered by his sorcerer's circle. It wasn't much, but none of the others could breach it without using up precious seconds pushing through. With a trembling hand, Quan Chi turned over the figure he had teleported into the circle.

He found himself staring blankly at a punching doll from the UVR gift shop. It was the inflatable kind with sand in the base so it always stayed on its feet. This one had Rancid's face painted on the front, and the sand had been carefully removed. Taped to the front of the doll on Rumble stationery, a short, hastily written note read:

   Dear Morons: 

        Been here, done this. Get a new trick.

			MistyJohn and Gabriel Stevens
			Magick Security Officers, UVR3

It was five minutes before Shinnok noticed his pet sorcerer was gone, and ten before he could spare a thought to wonder why. As that thought occurred to him, Shinnok impersonated Scorpion, speared the dummy, and dragged it over. Then he read the note aloud.

The resulting screams of rage were loud enough to shake dust off the lights.

Magic(k) Security Offices, RumbleDome Hotel

"I think I like the note the best," Gabe said, snickering.

"That was a nice touch, wasn't it?" John said modestly. He reached for the 'phone. "I'll tell Mimic to go down there and mop up. By the way, Birdman doesn't learn of this, no matter what--it's bad for his digestion."

"Got it."

The Ring

The DimensionCam, after a long delay, tuned in to Dee Jay's stage. Jeffry, wearing a lei and holding a coconut with a straw in it, chased several giggling women in grass skirts around a tree while Austin Loomis looked on in chagrin.

"I could watch that all day." Birdman grinned from ear to ear.

"Revenge is a dish best served in Jamaica," Wanderer observed. "Usually with one of those really cheap umbrellas. Anyway, about these fighters..."

In the ring, Scorpion pulled his broadsword out and advanced threateningly on Sogetsu. "Now, where were we?"

"We were right here." Sogetsu brandished his sword and teleported behind Scorpion, intent on chopping him into stew meat.

As Sogetsu materialized, Scorpion was already leaving, teleporting behind Sogetsu and putting a fist into the back of his head. He followed that up with a spear, plucking Sogetsu out of the air, reeling him in, and slashing him from top to toe. Sogetsu fell over, his eyes unfocused.

Scorpion stuck his sword into the mat and cracked his knuckles. "Pathetic. Truly pathetic."

Sogetsu pulled himself to his feet, intent on continuing the fight, and the world started to spin around him. He hadn't realized just how badly he'd been hurt.

"Better luck in your next life." Scorpion backed up a couple of steps and took off his mask.

"AAAIIEEEEE!"

FWOMP!

The whole ring was engulfed in steam. When it cleared, Scorpion was standing in front of a pile of unoccupied wet clothes and a sword. Sogetsu was nowhere to be seen. Shaking his head and muttering, Scorpion tossed them out of the ring.

With a sodden thump, the clothes landed in Dead or Alive. Kasumi and Ayane looked at them, looked at each other, and started fighting over who got the new alternate outfit. As they did, Sogetsu condensed back into his clothes and quietly slunk away.

Meanwhile, Hsien-Ko's attention was drifting. In her current vaguely psychotic state, she couldn't really concentrate on any one thing for very long. Demitri teleported away to harrass Thanos, and she immediately fixed on the next available target.

As Hsien-Ko ran up, Chun Li absently kicked her in the jaw. Hsien-Ko fell over.

Lin-Lin decided at that point that she had had enough. Hopping off Hsien-Ko's forehead and shapeshifting, she slapped Hsien-Ko across the face. "HEY! HEY!!"

"Kill alllll the..." Hsien-Ko blinked. "Lin-Lin?"

"You went crazy again." Lin-Lin had a look of pure disgust upon her face. "What have I told you about that?"

"Never to do it unless you say I can." Hsien-Ko looked slightly ashamed.

"Right. We'll kill all the Darkstalkers, and then we'll deal with that whole thing about us being Darkstalkers. Remember? We talked about this."

"But... but..."

"You sound like a motorboat. I need you to stay sane, Ko. Right?"

"Right."

"Good. I'm glad we had this little chat." Lei-Lei turned back into the slip of paper and attached herself to Hsien-Ko's forehead.

Hsien-Ko climbed to her feet and adjusted her hat. "Meanie."

Birdman rubbed his eyes. "The ring's ruined. I can't believe this." Below them, Thanos tore up the mat and threw it at King, bellowing in rage. The crumpled handful of canvas missed, but the bubble he threw after it didn't, imprisoning King in a sphere of water.

"We do have insurance, right?" Wanderer asked. Below them, Thanos was throwing fighters left and right like tenpins, roaring in rage at King.

"Yeah, of course. You should see our premiums."

"Then couldn't everything Thanos does to the ring and the RumbleDome be considered an act of God?" Wanderer's expression was carefully blank. "He's got the Infinity Gauntlet, after all. He is, technically, a diety."

"You think that'd stand up in court?"

"Probably. Hell, I don't know. Do I look like a lawyer to you?"

Back down in the ring, Thanos stood in front of King and grinned. King couldn't so much as blink inside the bubble. "And now, my dear, we will--"

Xenobia chose that moment to drive her sword into his back. Thanos' sentence was interrupted by three feet of steel sliding through his left lung. He healed it almost immediately, of course, but it was unsettling.

"You can die," Xenobia said through clenched teeth, "any time now."

"I only wish I could, wench," Thanos replied. "Prepare to--"

Wolverine shredded through a squadron of stray fanboys and superjumped into the ring, already in a Berserker Rage. Xenobia saw him coming out of the corner of her eye, swallowed hard, and jerked her sword out of Thanos' back. She barely managed to flip out of the way before Wolverine crashed into the Titan's back. Purple flesh flew in streamers.

Meanwhile, King's bubble broke. Shaking water out of her hair, she looked up, saw Thanos trying to get Wolverine off of him, and began concentrating.

As the Berserker Rage wore off, Wolverine crossed his arms and popped his claws, barreling forward a second time. "BERSERKER BARRAGE!"

Thanos calmly blocked Wolverine's charge with one gauntlet, and invoked the power of the Soul Gem with the other. The X-Man collapsed in a heap as his life force ebbed away, healing Thanos' small wounds.

As Wolverine twitched on the ground, Xenobia, Chun Li, and Captain America ran forward to replace him. All wore grim looks.

"Fools," Thanos mused. "Rushing forward to destruction." He felt that same vicious grin coming back. "Then come to me! Thanos shall provide you with a most glorious doomsday!"

"I thought Amalgam Month was over," Wanderer muttered.

"What?"

"Comic joke," Wanderer explained. "You'd almost have to be a fanboy to understand."

King was now glowing with stored power. Before she had the chance to think better of it, she landed the Illusion Dance on Thanos' back.

Geese's Room, RumbleDome Hotel

Mr. Big, looking much the worse for wear, entered the suite. As he did, there was a round of sarcastic applause from everyone except his own men.

"Nice performance, Big." Geese sneered.

Mr. Big gritted his teeth. "I'll tell you what, Geese--we'll see how long you last in that ring. It's a nightmare down there."

Geese folded his hands in front of him. "We'll see, indeed."

Big pointed at Jan, who was crying quietly. "Kill him."

"No."

"What do you mean, 'no'?!" Big smashed a coffee table with one of his sticks. "She goes against us, she pays the penalty! That's how it goes!"

"Big, what are we having her gather for us?" Geese's tone was dry. "Jan is the only hold we have over King, and if she figures out how to use one of them to check on her brother, and he's dead..." He let the implications of that sink in on their own.

"BOSS!" Billy Kane shouted. "King's attacking Thanos!"

Geese frowned, and pointed at Big. "To be continued." Crossing the room, he watched King flying through the air at Thanos.

The Ring

King frantically ran through the Illusion Dance as fast as she could, thinking of Jan the entire time, kicking Thanos into the air and jumping up to meet him.

The last aerial spin kick knocked the Power Gem free from the Infinity Gauntlet. King landed and snatched it up, even as Thanos snarled and got to his feet.

"I'll be taking that back, girl," he said. "Either by your hand, or from your corpse, but either way you're going to die."

"No one dies today!" Captain America smashed a Hyper Charging Starinto Thanos' back, hitting like a gaily colored freight train. Thanos went flying into a turnbuckle, actually bending it, and as he did, another gem fell loose from his gauntlet.

"The Time Gem," Demitri breathed, recognizing it from his studies. He ran towards it, but was beaten to it by Scorpion's spear.

With a satisfied grin, Scorpion pulled the Gem over to him and held it up in Demitri's face. "Looking for this?"

Demitri snarled. "You don't know what you're holding, fool."

"Of course I do. This is something you want. I don't think you deserve it." Scorpion beckoned Demitri onward. "Come and get it."

Demitri took him up on that. As he did, Thanos stood for the second time in thirty seconds and tore up the mat underneath him. Shaking it out like a rug, the canvas changed to stone, and an avalanche sprayed out from his hands. Nakoruru, charging to the attack, and Captain America were both caught in it; Cap managed to block, but Nakoruru went hurtling back into the newly entered Cervantes.

Cervantes had his eyes firmly set on the gems on Thanos' gauntlet, four of them now, and so didn't really notice Nakoruru. Absently, he picked her up between his swords and threw her over his shoulder. As they were both standing on the edge of the ring, this meant Nakoruru passed through the dimensional field.

Thanos, meanwhile, opened a dimensional portal above himself with the Space Gem, and began sucking loose rocks and pieces of the mat into it. The second portal began to open directly above Scorpion and Demitri.

Before it did, Wolverine woke up. And he woke up mad.

"Let's go, bub!"

Wolverine pounced. Thanos was kicked, stabbed, slashed, and mutilated with (relatively) surgical skill. Both portals closed. Wolverine finally flipped over, both sets of claws describing a ragged X across Thanos, and a third Infinity Gem--Space--flew free. Jacky Bryant grabbed it on the fly.

The Infinity Gauntlet was ragged now, only three of its gem settings filled, and slashed to hell besides. Thanos looked at it for a long moment, and the folly of his entering the ring hit him like a lead weight.

"It's always this way, Thanos," Captain America said, walking towards him and reading his expression. "You always defeat yourself."

"Untrue," Thanos murmured. He had had omnipotence. He was now only powerful. His limits were set in stone once more.

"True," Cap continued, implacably. The two were eye to eye now. "You had the Cosmic Cube. It was taken from you. You were going to destroy the universe. The Avengers ruined that.* And now, you had the Infinity Gauntlet." He looked at it, the ragged, pathetic thing that it was now. "Now..."

"It will be mine again!" Thanos screamed. Cap remained unmoved. Every eye was on the two of them, and the microphones strained to hear their conversation. "I will amass armies, enlist gods, destroy worlds!"

"And then you'll lose it again," Cap replied. "Just as you've lost your Gems now."

"I still have three of them!" Thanos clenched his fist. "Enough to destroy you, Terran."

"Do you?" Cap grinned in his face. "You aren't omniscient anymore, either."

Thanos looked down. His gauntlet was completely empty. Chun Li stood behind him, as quiet as any thief, with three Gems in her hands. As Thanos turned on her, a blast of power obliterating the canvas where she stood, Chun superjumped, tossing one Gem to Cap like children playing keepaway.

"NO ONE TAKES WHAT IS THANOS'!" he roared. Thanos of Titan was many things: a demigod, a conqueror of planets, a mass murderer, a genius. He had never before been helpless. "NO ONE!"

"You don't have your gems anymore." The voice was new. Thanos turned to face it.

King stood in front of him now. "And I am sick to death of running from you." The Power Gem in her hand shone.

Thanos would've stood a chance, normally. More than that, he would've killed King in an instant. This wasn't normal, though. King, to put it bluntly, bitchslapped him. In the few seconds of power the Gem conferred on her, she beat him gradually all the way across the ring, despite his best efforts to fight back.

As the Power Gem faded and vanished from her possession, King rolled behind Thanos, turned, and grabbed him with her legs. With a final surge of power, she threw him over the "ropes".

Thanos could survive in deep space, so landing underwater didn't inconvenience him too greatly.

Emerald Weapon, now... that turned out to be a problem.

Geese's Room, RumbleDome Hotel

"Time to go Gem hunting," Geese mused. "Krauser!"

"What?" Krauser stood up and flexed, sending shards of breastplate everywhere.

"I've been meaning to ask: how do you keep your castle if you break a suit of plate mail every time you fight?" Billy seemed genuinely curious.

"I don't pay for armor. Last time someone tried to make me, I broke him."

"If you're done discussing your business practices...?" Geese tapped his foot. "Take your pet matador and Axel down to the eliminated seating and stop anyone who tries to come out with one of our Gems."

"I don't need these two." Krauser inspected Axel Hawk with a sneer. "He's getting fat."

"I think you've had one too many beatings," Axel retorted.

"Children..." Geese clenched one fist. "Humor me, Krauser. Go. I have a meeting to attend to."

Eliminated Seating

"Does no one in this accursed, foredoomed universe know anything of honor?" Exor demanded.

Rancid rolled his eyes and cut off Exor's other arm.

"How's that for honor, cheesehead?" Bob Wilson murmured. He sat close by, watching the fight with the peculiar concentration of someone who is tanked to the gills on a federally controlled substance. He was also rooting for Rancid, which annoyed Exor to no end.

The alien howled in outrage and fired another laser blast from its eyes, cutting a seat and Siegfried's hot dog in half. The blast didn't touch Rancid, though, who'd learned to avoid the blasts after the first one.

Exor seemed incapable of learning from its mistakes. It would withdraw to blast at Rancid, wreck up the furniture, miss a lot, and then try to close to melee. Rancid would cut off something of its, it would complain, and the cycle began again.

"Screw it," Rancid muttered to himself. Security was undoubtedly on its way, and he had never been their favorite person. He dodged another pair of lasers and a pyramid of energy, and waited for Exor to come back in.

"Prepare yourself, mortal!" Exor howled. "You may take my limbs, but I have never been defeated in the history of the uni--"

"Shut... the... fuck... up." Rancid cut off his head.

Exor did. His head bounced down the aisle, and came to a rest against Shinesta's foot. She looked down, shrugged, and kicked it away.

Rancid wiped off his chainsaw blade. "Well, that was fun." He started looking for a way out when he realized Exor's body was changing.

It looked like an explosion, but had no heat or force to it. The alien warlord's body shrank and glittered, diminishing until all that was left was a gleaming rock about the size of a man's head.

"Is that gold?" Bob asked.

"Could be," Rancid answered. He reached down to pick it up--Matrix or Orion might know what it was.

As his skin touched the chunk of Ore, he began to change.

The Ring

King was cornered by Demitri. The Reality Gem--Cervantes had knocked it out of Captain America's hand, and she'd done likewise for him--was in her pocket, humming quietly to itself.

"Do give me the gem, dear girl," Demitri said in as reasonable a voice as he could manage. He was, once more, angry; there was a deep, fierce burn across his chest, bracketed by spear wounds. Scorpion had not surrendered his Gem easily. "Save us both the unpleasantness of my having to take it."

"Not likely," King spat. "Don't make me use this."

"Don't make me laugh, wench. You don't really know how to use it. You can throw some fire around, maybe some ice, but you can't use it to its full extent--"

Demitri's scoffing was cut off, no pun intended, as Xenobia impaled him through the chest. She kicked him off her blade and into the "ropes", which kept him quite entertained for the next five minutes.

King wiped her forehead. "Thanks. Twice over."

Xenobia smiled at her. "Quite welcome. I was wondering something, actually--?"

"What?"

"Are you available?"

King's jaw dropped. "What?"

"Available. As in, are you seeing anyone? After this tourney is over, I thought maybe we could go get a drink, go riding perhaps--"

WHAM!

King Tornado Kicked her over the "ropes", her eyes bugging out. Xenobia crashed into the bamboo forests of Samurai Shodown IV. Sitting up, she picked a few twigs out of her hair and sighed. She got that reaction a lot.

The 'phone rang in the control booth, and Birdman picked it up. "Yeah? Really? Really?!" He started looking all evil again. "Oh, yeah, them. They don't waste any time, do they? Will that hurt us much? Okay, thanks." He hung up.

Wanderer kicked the door open and came in with a tray bearing hot dogs. "Who was that?"

"Kelly, down in the office. Good news is the pot to keep Eddy Gordo dead is now at $327 million, due to donations from some superhero league I've never heard of. Bad news is that the American Family Association's on our case about Xenobia hitting on King."

"Already?" Wanderer sat down. "That was quick." He flipped his mike on. "Ladies and gentlemen, after a bit of a lull, the action is definitely heating up down there!"

"How do I get this thing to work?" Jacky Bryant demanded of anyone around him. He shook the Space Gem like a cheap clock radio as he ran, crisscrossing the ring trying to avoid anyone more powerful than he was. He passed Alex as the wrestler was smashing Cervantes' head into the mat.

Unfortunately, people "more powerful" than Jacky was a nice, broad category. Chin Gentsai had been drinking steadily on his way down to the ring, compliments of the fans, and as he jumped in, he was glowing. The Space Gem went flying as Jacky, and Alex, were engulfed in the flames from Chin's mouth.

Room 114, RumbleDome Hotel

"Nice room, wizard," Iori Yagami commented.

"So now you are an interior decorator," Amakusa replied. "Is there no end to your skills?"

"I have never been very patient," Iori replied offhandedly.

One of the drapes ignited in purple flame. He looked on, amused, as Zankuro beat it out with a bedspread. "How ever could that have happened?"

"Do not play games, child."

"Then do not start them." Iori walked over to Amakusa. "You wanted me. I am here, despite having to pull myself out of a nice, warm, overpopulated, but still comfortable, bed. What the hell did you want?"

"See the drunkard on the screen?"

Iori snorted. "Gentsai. His sweat is sold in poor parts of China as paint thinner. What of him?"

Amakusa cleared his throat, and his voice took on a lecturing quality. It made Iori think of being back in school. "I have taken the liberty of stealing a possession of his." He held up a small bottle of brandy. "Are you familiar with any elemental theories of magick?"

"Oh, yeah, that was my senior thesis." Iori rolled his eyes. "Be serious."

"Pay attention to me, then. You wield fire. Many people do. However, it is my theory that powers that are linked in that way--the draw upon one of the four basic elements--can be transferred through the same process that I plan to use on you. The theory might not be fully accurate, but as I am a wizard, it is close enough to allow, perhaps, certain rituals to work."

Iori did not notice a sigil on his arm begin to faintly glow. It was in the same shape as the painted symbol on his leather jacket, which was hanging over the closet door in his hotel room. "You want to transfer Gentsai's abilities to me?"

"Just one: the blast of flame he just used. It is not the ability, as such, but the power he draws upon to use it. You will absorb his tap into the element of fire, and your powers will increase by that small amount. If this works, then we can work our way up to more powerful talents."

"Such as Kusanagi's." Iori smiled slowly and dangerously. "Let's get it done."

Amakusa met and matched the grin. "Let's."

The Ring

Chin turned away from the charred bodies of Jacky and Alex and peered blearily around. The only people nearby were Wolverine and Cervantes, fighting with each other, so he decided to take another drink, building up power to spit another blast of flame.

Room 114, RumbleDome Hotel

Iori unstoppered the bottle carefully, wincing at the smell. "This stuff could blind an elephant," he muttered, and carefully poured it into the chalice Amakusa held for him, establishing a sympathetic link between Chin and himself. He felt slightly drunk.

"Now, concentrate..." Amakusa whispered, "concentrate on the power and make it your own. It may take a few moments..."

"Got it."

"What?"

Iori's voice was almost dreamy. "I've got it." He reveled in the sensation of Chin's small tap into power becoming his own.

The Ring

Chin let Wolverine have it.

When he opened his eyes, though, there was no charred mutant twitching on the mat. Instead, there were Wolverine and Cervantes, standing in front of him, dripping with cheap sake. Slowly, Wolverine wiped his face off, and started walking forward.

Chin eeped, and turned to run. Wolverine was faster.

Chin--most of him, anyway--landed in Tapper. Chin looked up through eyes that had swelled shut, realized he'd fallen into Heaven, and passed out.

"That was downright disgustin'," Cervantes muttered. He promptly went off to find another sparring partner.

Wolverine clapped his hands together, shook the blood off his claws, and turned around into Chun Li.

She pressed a hand into his chest, and wound up with the other. "I knew you were a psychopath, but that's just too much." With a firm palm strike, she hit Wolverine into the "ropes", and with a Lightning Kick, she slammed him all the way through them. Wolverine bounced off the forcefield and through the dimensional field, the "ropes" knitting back together behind him.

Wolverine smelled a familiar lush smell as he landed. A palm tree, fortunately, broke his momentum. As he slid down it, he wondered, for a brief moment, if he was in the Savage Land.

He wasn't. He was, however, standing right in Armadon's way.

"Cut that feed," Birdman instructed Silverbolt over the com.

"Who can see anything? There's too much blood flying."

"I said, cut the feed."

"Spoilsport."

Hallway, Control Tower

Mai Shiranui walked up the stairs, reading through the proposed list of theme songs. She'd managed to reach more of the other fighters than she'd thought she was going to be able to, despite the pre-fight sequestering, and she had a good long list of requests.

There were some suggestions she was going to have to flat-out ignore, of course. Some of the choices were plain disgusting--she had had to run out of the gym Ken was working out in, her cheeks flaming--while others were a little risque, like the small and highly vocal group of people who were trying to get Iori Yagami's theme designated Ben Folds Five's "Satan Is My Master".

She walked up the staircase, nodding at the two security guards who were staring at her with wide eyes and open mouths, and flipped the legal pad closed. As she reached the first landing, she looked out the window at the ring and grimaced.

I hope someone eliminates Thanos before I have to go in there, she thought. One demigod was bad enough... I don't want to have to fight ano--

Her eyes found a necking couple in the aisle seats closest to her window, stopping her line of thought dead. The woman, she didn't recognize, but the man...

"... Andy?" she whispered.

Aisle Seats, RumbleDome

EX Andy looked up from the woman he was kissing--he'd already forgotten it, but she'd said her name was Claudia Silva--and turned towards the window.

That was definitely Mai. No one else dressed like that. Not believing his luck, he slowly winked at her, leering lecherously at the same time.

Mai's eyes filled with tears. She ran up the stairs as fast as she could.

The woman next to him gave a shuddering sigh. "You kiss so well--"

EX Andy gave her a final kiss, scooping her up into his arms. "Shh. Don't talk. Please don't talk."

"You're so romantic--WAAAAAAA!"

He casually dumped her over the railing. The twenty-foot drop onto concrete didn't quite fracture her skull, but she hit the ground with a deeply satisfying "crack".

"That's one thing dealt with," he muttered to himself, "but there's so much more to do." He felt a vicious grin coming on.

The Ring

Demitri, looking for some kind of victory--any kind of victory--after falling off of the "ropes", picked up Jacky Bryant. The Virtua Fighter was all crispy from Chin's blast of flames, and groaned weakly.

As Demitri was about to bite into his neck, Bison flew over and grabbed Demitri by the cape, pulling them both into the air. This was his first mistake. "Hello, Maximov."

"Oh. You." Demitri looked fully unimpressed.

"I will dissect you layer by layer until you will pray for the release of death, Maximov. Your head will adorn a wall outside my capital city, and your body will live forever in the laboratories of Shadoloo," Bison promised. Then, inspiration struck. "I will create a race of vampire soldiers from your blood!"

Demitri blinked. "You have got to be joking."

"I will conquer the earth with immortal killers, unstoppable and unanswerable to anyone save Shadoloo!" Bison was so caught up in this idea that his grip slackened on Demitri's cape.

"I have better things to do than listen to this garbage." Demitri tore his cape out of Bison's grasp and flung a Vampire Rage point-blank into Bison's face, dropping him to the ground in a thick coat of ashes. Without Bison to anchor him, Demitri fell as well, but much more gracefully.

"There will be no armies, Bison," Demitri said in a quiet voice.

Bison woke up moments later lying in the middle of an empty warehouse. When it hit him that Maximov had made him look like a fool a second time, he sat up abruptly and roared in rage. This attracted aliens. Lots of aliens. As a general rule, Area 51 was a bad place to call attention to yourself.

"'Race of vampire soldiers'?" Birdman wondered aloud.

"I think you have to expect a certain amount of stupidity from the man who gave us Cyber-Charlie," Wanderer said. "The poor boy hasn't seemed quite right ever since."

"I blame the live-action movie, myself."

The door opened just then to admit Mai Shiranui. She crossed the room, slapped a legal pad on the counter between them, and marched back out. She had obviously been crying.

As the door hissed shut, Wanderer blinked. "What the hell was that?"

"I don't have a clue." Birdman flipped his mike back on.

Xiao Long was looking around in confusion. Politely, he walked up to Chun Li. "Excuse me?"

"Yes?" Chun Li said suspiciously.

"I am dedicated to the eradication of evil." Xiao Long bowed. "Could you direct me towards an evil individual? I can sense the dedication and nobility within your heart."

Chun thought it over for a full second before nodding. "Yes, I can." She grabbed Xiao and tossed him over the "ropes".

Captain America was standing nearby, tossing Jacky Bryant as gently as possible over the "ropes". "Why didn't you just point him at Demitri?"

Chun bowed her head. "I feel guilty."

Xiao Long landed in a gaily colored room, full to bursting with giggling children. He reached out with his senses, and found a large being standing at the center of the crowd.

"Why, look, children! Here's a happy blind man with a staff! Do we know any songs about respecting the handicapped?"

Xiao nodded with gratitude. The woman had truly guided him to evil. With a precise thrust, he drove his hand into the creature's chest, emerging a moment later with its dripping heart. It toppled with a gurgling sigh.

The children gasped, and several actually went into shock. "BARNEY! NO!"**

Jacky fell into a pile of pillows nearby. He wasn't conscious, but if he had been, he would've approved.

Back in the ring, Hsien-Ko walked towards Demitri, trying to avoid thinking about why she had to kill him. Her foot came down on something round, and she looked down to see what it was.

"Pretty," she breathed. Reaching down, she picked up the Space Gem between two of her claws.

At the same time, Alex rose to his feet behind her. He Flash Chopped her in the back of the head, and grabbed the Space Gem as she dropped it.

He was about to activate it when Hsien-Ko stood back up, her hat crooked again. "Now?"

The slip of paper slid off her forehead and changed back into Lin-Lin. "Now."

Hsien-Ko went abruptly, keenly, gloriously nuts as her Dark Force kicked in. Laughing like a loon, she slashed the hell out of Alex, who ducked and weaved, trying to get a chance to use the Space Gem. That chance never came, and Hsien-Ko finally Senpuubued him over the "ropes".

Alex fell from the Rumble ring into another. El Stingray shot him a look. "Newcomer, eh? You think you're good enough to beat me, kid?"

"Sure." Alex's expression never changed.

Back in the ring, Hsien-Ko looked around, and realized that Alex had taken the Space Gem with him. She sat down to sulk.

ELIMINATIONS: King, Cap, Chun: 2. Hsien-Ko, Demitri, Cervantes, Scorpion, Nakoruru, Wolverine, Bison: 1.

CURRENT ELIMINATIONS LEADERS: King 4, Captain America 3, Chun Li 3, Demitri 2, Scorpion 2, Nakoruru 2.

"FLASH IN THE PAN" AWARD: Jeffry McWild. I haven't seen public opinion turn that fast since Clinton didn't inhale.

VOTE QUOTE: "PEACE, LOVE, AND LIMB-TEARING CHAINSAWS, BABY!" Umm...

A CORRECTION: As pointed out by the Whiplash Kid's brother, the Analog Kid, "Freewill" is sung by Geddy Lee, not Neil Peart. I hereby apologize to all Rush fans everywhere.

ANNOTATIONS:

* I'm not sure about the Cosmic Cube, but Thanos' adventures with the Soul Gem, as well as his first death, can be read about in AVENGERS ANNUAL #7 and MARVEL TWO-IN-ONE ANNUAL #2, both of which are older than I am, but are still relatively cheap. The theory that Thanos always manages to screw himself up in the end is dealt with in the INFINITY GAUNTLET miniseries.

** Thank Nick Eckert, the Vidstudent, for planting the idea for this one, folks. I know it's totally gratuitous, but I wrote this part at three in the morning and just couldn't think of anything else. I apologize. It won't happen again.

See you next round!

The Hassled Writer:
Thomas "Wanderer" Wilde

The Often-Silent Editor:
Christopher "Birdman" Bird

The Terribly Difficult To Reach Security Guard:
Isaac "Mimic" Sher

The Bandwidth Gobbler:
Scott "Silverbolt" Archer
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