UVR3

"It's good to be back," Birdman said to himself. With the exception of replacing the significant Colossus-caused structural damage, the control tower remained comfortably the same, tucked into the corner of the main Rumble Arena, right down to Birdman's clipboard and chair. Outside, the audience calmly filed into their seats, some carrying flags and signs for their favorite fighters.

Wanderer came in soon afterwards, his arms filled with snacks and bottles of soda, threw his coat over the back of his chair, and sat down. "I love the snack concession..."

Birdman made a note on his clipboard. "Having sugar withdrawal?"

Wanderer twisted open a bottle of Rat Bastard Root Beer. "Nah. Just enjoying a caffeinated lifestyle. Who's up first?"

Birdman wordlessly showed Wanderer the clipboard. Wanderer proceeded to grin viciously.

The Broadcast Room, RumbleDome Hotel

The door opened with a faint creak, and two figures crept into the room. Computers took care of all the broadcast facilities, so there was no one there to operate it. Realizing this, one figure flicked the light switch on, revealing Ryo Sakazaki and Robert Garcia.

"Ryo, this is kind of stupid," Robert said.

"Rob, he's apparently coming after me anyway, so I might as well humilate him while I have the chance," Ryo replied, looking around the room. "Which one of these things looks the most like the speaker control... ah." Ryo walked over and opened one of the small cabinets.

The open cabinet began talking. "Well, good morning, citizens, and welcome to the Yoshimitsu Radio Hour!"

Ryo blinked. "Yoshi? Is that you?"

"Affirmative!" The cybernetic ninja poked his head out of the closet. His former relatively organic paddyhatted appearance had, at some point, been discarded in favor of a look somewhere between the Predator Hunter and an H.R. Giger painting. Speaker wires were plugged into his chest and left arm. "Please note my upgrade to the Yoshimitsu 2.0 Unit, with built-in broadcast facilities, smooth power steering, updated combat routines, new fusion-powered laser sword, and a free twenty-year-or-two-hundred-thousand-mile warranty! It's so easy to use... just push the switch, and off it goes! If this sounds good, don't delay! Call 1-800-YOSHIBOT for a free catalog of Yoshimitsu products, where our trained operators are waiting to take your call!"

Robert rubbed his eyes. "I passed up a Caribbean cruise for this, Ryo."

Ryo blinked. "Yoshi, what're you doing here?"

"Well, pilgrim, a 'bot's gotta do what a 'bot's gotta do, and the value of theme music is *so* important in a well-rehearsed production of 'Ultimate Video Rumble Three'. I thought I'd make it a little..." here Yoshi's voice dipped down low like Barry White's, "...funkier for an old friend."

"Good. That's what we were here for too, actually. What did you have in mind?"

"Gather 'round, children, and I shall tell you a tale."

The Ring

"... As you all know," Howard Finkel, back for his second turn as announcer, continued, "anyone who leaves the ring at any time is considered eliminated! Due to popular demand, the elimination array from last year is back! Each fighter who leaves the ring will be thrown into a randomly selected node, where they will have fifteen minutes to survive as best they know how! Should they not survive, they will, once again, be humiliated in front of millions upon their regeneration and return to the RumbleDome!"

Birdman thumbed a switch up in the booth, activating the forcefields. This was Finkel's cue to nod, and gesture broadly. "Once they're over those flickering electrical 'ropes', folks, they're gone! Now, without further ado, to introduce the fighter who drew... number one!"

"DEMITRI MAXIMOV! (DS3)"

Demitri was escorted by three Virtua On units as he strode imperiously down to the ring. He had been forced to spend his week here in silence, never venturing out from his hidden lair, unable to use the rooms that had been provided for him, dodging bounty hunters. Finally, as an added indignity, he was forced to be the first into the ring. He cast a withering glare at the two smiling mortals in the control booth.

He took a great deal of comfort in arrogance, his cape fluttering around him. The audience's boos meant nothing to him as his orchestral theme began, violins flying in a concerto human hands could not hope to match. The sheer majesty of the music brought people to their feet in surprise and shock all over the RumbleDome.

Demitri paused for a moment next to the ring, to watch the humans watch him. A smile found its way onto his face, and it showed fangs.

A sudden turntable screech ended the symphony abruptly. Demitri frowned at the speakers even as he teleported into the center of the ring. That was not part of his theme...

Quietly, a new voice came over the speakers.
 

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song,

Ranting and raving and carrying on,

Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong... Naaaah!

I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)

I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole)

Broadcast Room

Robert, watching the proceedings out the window, fell over holding his sides.

Ryo shook Yoshimitsu's hand. "That was inspired, Yoshi. I have to give you credit."

Yoshimitsu unplugged himself from the broadcast equipment. "I'm the best there is at what I do, bub. And what I do isn't very nice."

"Let's get out of here before they send security."

The Ring

Demitri, angered, was seething for someone or something to take his anger out on. Fortunately for him, he didn't have to wait long before the next fighter was announced.

"CAPTAIN AMERICA!" (MSH)

The superhero entered the 'Dome to, predictably enough, "The Star-Spangled Banner", and shook as many offered hands as he could on his way down to the ring. The cheering was deafening.

Calmly, he superjumped over the "ropes" and examined Demitri. "You're the vampire, right?"

"I am Demitri Maximov, mortal. I am the last thing you will ever see." Demitri's aura was sparking wildly.

"Not very likely." Cap deflected a fireball with his shield before getting into brawling range.

Wanderer looked at Birdman. "Hey, didn't Captain America fight that one vampire once? Baron Blood?"

"Yup. Killed him, too."

Wanderer started laughing evilly again.

"SIEGFRIED!" (SE)

Shouldering his broadsword, the German knight made his way down to the ring with grim purpose. His eyes were locked directly on his chosen target. Immediately upon his entry, he attacked Demitri with a Brain Smasher. Demitri, who had spent the last minute or two eating shield, sprung right back up again.

"Not another hero..." Demitri groaned.

"Die, fiend!" Siegfried roared.

This, Demitri mused, barely keeping out of Siegfried's reach, was going to be a long day.

"EDDY GORDO!" (T3)

Eddy, like Demitri, ignored the boos at his appearance. He was too busy concentrating on his rhythm. Dancing down ringside, he slid into the ring and harrassed Captain America with repeated spin kicks.

Room 1358, RumbleDome Hotel

"Where is he?" Geese grumbled.

"I'm sure he'll be back anytime now, boss," Billy said. The bojitsu fighter stood by Geese's wet bar with a beer in his hand. "When you pay Eiji, he usually stays paid."

"I resent the implications of that, Kane," Eiji Kisaragi said, climbing in from the balcony window.

"It took you long enough. What do you have for me?" Geese demanded.

"There are a number of others preparing to go after similar goals to yours--Blackheart, Lord Deimos, and Amakusa, to name a few--and none of them seem to have given you any consideration. Terry Bogard arrived four days ago with Blue Mary, and is looking forward to seeing you in the ring. Of the would-be 'heroes', Wolverine appears to be the only one that is preparing a plan of some kind, the details of which I was not able to learn. Here." He handed a computer disk to Geese, who slid it into a laptop. "They did not notice me copying the data from their network. This is the draw for the Rumble."

"Excellent," Geese murmured, examining his screen. "Thanos has drawn in the second section..." He scrolled the document down. "Who do we know that's there with him? ...ah." He flipped the computer shut. "Eiji, don't get comfortable. You're going right back out again. Billy, Axel...? I have something for you to do."

The Ring

"ANUBIS!" (WG)

"WAR GODS SUCK! WAR GODS SUCK!"

Anubis sulked his way down to the ring, ignoring the audience. Today, as he had every day for the last couple of thousand years, he was regretting stealing that bauble from the pyramid. He hadn't known that it was going to turn him into this damn thing... He sighed, a sound that sounded odd coming from a jackal's head, and continued down to the ring.

From the seats, Ahau Kin roared, "GO, BOY! SHOW THEM HOW GODS FIGHT!"

Absently, Anubis clocked him with his extendible staff, and continued on to the ring.

"ALEX!" (SF3:2I)

The massive wrestler waved to Tom and Patricia in the stands as he entered the 'Dome. It was a pity Gill wasn't in the ring yet, but he'd have to show up eventually. In the meantime, Alex reasoned, he'd have the fun of breaking heads. That vampire looked like a challenge.

"SHINESTA!" (I&B)

There was a vampire present. Shinesta was freaking out. Had the Dark Powers sent undead to retrieve her party?

If they had, Shinesta decided, they would not have an easy time of it. As she entered the ring, she cracked Demitri over the head with her quarterstaff, then hooked him off of his feet. This enabled Alex to get a much better grip on Demitri's head.

"You chose the worst possible people for Demitri to be in the ring with, didn't you?" Wanderer asked Birdman.

"The fighters sign waivers. They all know the risks," Birdman replied comfortably.

Ready Room, RumbleDome

"I'm up next, I guess," Chun Li said, putting her hair into her trademark buns. "Good luck, Ms. King."

King shook up her martini tumbler. "You too, Chun. You're sure you don't want a drink?"

"No, thank you." Chun Li left the room.

King poured herself a generous drink, and had a sip. Too much vermouth. She made a face, and reached for the bottle of gin.

Eiji was good enough to hand it to her. King placed it calmly on the counter--liquor was expensive--and turned around. "You're not in the Rumble, Kisaragi. What the hell are you doing here?"

"I am, for the moment, in the employ of Geese Howard. I have been sent here with a message for you." Eiji looked, under the mask, like he had swallowed something bitter.

"What does the scumbag want? I'm due in the ring in ten minutes."

"Please understand that this is his scheming, and not my own."

King frowned. "Is he blackmailing you?"

"No. I accepted his payment, and now I must obey his commands. That does not mean I have to like them." Eiji's eyes were very cold. "I have been sent to tell you that Geese has your brother Jan. If you do not do what he asks of you, he will put Jan back in the hospital."

The martini glass shattered on the floor. "What does he want?"

"Survive this section. In the next, there is a being known as Thanos who wears a gauntlet encrusted with six gems. Take as many gems as you can and return them to Geese, and your brother will be returned to you unharmed."

"What if I don't survive?" King asked quietly.

"Then your brother... will not."

King considered this for a moment. "Tell him I'll do it."

"I shall." Eiji turned to leave.

"Eiji?" The ninja looked over his shoulder. "Tell Geese that if I ever see him again, he's a dead man. Please."

Eiji might have smiled. King wasn't sure. "I shall do that, as well."

The Ring

"CHUN LI!" (SF)

She took one step out of the doors to the 'Dome, and waved to her fans, of which there were thousands. Flashbulbs burst all around her, bathing her in light, as she looked for the one face she cared about, finally seeing him in the stands, sitting next to Ken. That woman next to Ken must've been his sister... when had he become an uncle? she wondered. Ryu looked back at her, smiled, and waved weakly.

He really didn't look well, Chun thought. He looked a lot older than the last time she'd seen him. Ryu must've been training too hard again... maybe she could help him relax.

Chun shook her head, clearing it of that thought, before triple-super-jumping and air-dashing into the ring... from a hundred feet away.

"What the hell was that?" Wanderer asked the world at large.

"Versus game physics," Birdman answered. "Don't try to comprehend it. You'll just hurt yourself."

The Stands

"Ryu, why does Chunny look about twenty years old?" Ken asked. His eyes had gone wide.

Ryu was rubbing his temples. "Ken, it is a very strange situation." He'd tried to talk to Chun Li before the Rumble, but she had pretended to be too busy to speak to him, yet constantly stole glances at him from across the room... just as it had been in the days before the World Warrior tournament, when he had been too distant and she too businesslike to pay attention to how they felt about each other. He had expected a slap across the face, not the Chun Li from a decade ago. "I think I am getting a headache."

The Ring

"KING!" (KOF96)

King ran down to the ring as fast as she could and instantly started kicking everyone within reach, her face a mask of rage. The raw fury of her attack stunned half the ring, and had the other half dashing for cover.

"SCORPION!" (MK4)

Fourteen-year-olds all over the world began clapping and yelling wildly.

Scorpion, noting King's frenzy, took his sweet undead time getting down to ringside. However, once he was, he wasted no time in spearing Anubis and uppercutting him across the mat, to the general approval of all watching.

"NAMIRA!" (M:tDA)

Namira nodded her approval of the situation as she walked out, testing the edge of her scimitar with her thumb. A woman was dominating a ring mostly filled with men. It was as it should be.

She was so caught up in her approval that she didn't notice the small legion of women yelling at her to put some clothes on.

"JEFFRY MCWILD!" (VF3)

Jeffry proudly sported his new UVR T-shirt as he entered. "Ho! Thank you all! I shall be sure to put on a good performance for you all!" His smile was a thing to behold.

"Y'think he knows he's here to hurt people?" Birdman asked.

"If he did, do you think he'd still do it?" Wanderer answered.

Birdman considered this, and shrugged.

Sub-Basement 8-23-12, RumbleDome Hotel

"Be certain you get your incantations correct," Blackheart growled.

"If you are so concerned for these incantations," Quan Chi replied calmly, "perhaps you should consider doing them yourself." The sorcerer sat in a circle of carved indentations, a web of power like a cat's cradle weaving through his fingers.

"Be more respectful of our new ally, Quan Chi," Shinnok gurgled. The Elder God had consented to join with Blackheart, after the two had learned of each other's presence. "We have an agreement with him and his associates, after all." Everyone in the room caught the irony in those words.

"The dullard McWild will enter our presence immediately upon leaving the ring, sire," Quan Chi said. "Do not fear."

"It iS yOu wHo sHoUlD fEaR Us, wOrMlInG," Asmodeus said. There was an undercurrent of tearing flesh in his voice.

"Of course, of course." Quan Chi could feel the cold metal of his amulet pressing against his chest, the powerless replica of which now sat in his "master" Shinnok's possession. Soon, he promised himself, soon he would make all these little demons and demigods pay for their impertinence...

The Ring

"EXOR!" (WG)

Teleporting directly into the ring, Exor rose up from the floor directly between Scorpion and Shinesta. As both looked up at him, he blasted Scorpion with a paralytic pyramid; while the ninja was stunned, he hit Shinesta with a laser blast and uppercutted Scorpion. Mocking laughter filled the ring as he looked for new targets.

King promptly plowed into his back.

"BALOK!" (I&B)

The chaos knight rode a black horse down to ringside, and leapt off of it into the ring.

Siegfried had seen him coming, and Balok had seen Siegfried. Inexorably, the two of them walked towards each other.

"I am Sir Siegfried of Germany," Siegfried said.

"I am Sir Balok," Balok answered. "I serve no nation."

"I bid you greetings, sir knight, and I challenge you."

"I accept." The two clashed blades.

"NAKORURU!" (SS4)

Nakoruru had Mamahaha fly her into the ring. Quietly, she landed behind a reeling Scorpion, and sent the accursed undead flying with a Leyla Mistube. Scorpion retaliated with a gout of hellfire once he was on his feet again.

"For Nature!" Nakoruru yelled, putting her cape out. "I shall cleanse you from the face of the earth!"

Scorpion snorted. "Then I'll just come right back again to beat you senseless, little girl..."

"We shall see, hellspawn!" Nakoruru reflected a flying spear with a flick of her cape, and slashed at Scorpion's stomach.

The Stands

"(pant) (wheeze) NAKORU-RU!" Rimururu yelled. Unfortunately, a couple of thousand Ainu fanboys and -girls were yelling it too, so she was drowned out.

Rimururu had had a tough night. She'd tried to find Nakoruru to tell her about Deimos, but her older sister had been at the pre-fight dance... which was adults only. So, she'd ran around all night hoping Galford or Guy or maybe even Ukyo hadn't gone to the dance, but they both had.

So, of course, she'd dozed off, and then woke up just in time to hear Demitri being introduced, and to remember Nakoruru complaining that she'd drawn in the first Section.

"Fine, then," she grumbled. "I'll do it without Nak." Resolutely, she marched back into the hotel.

The Ring

"SABERTOOTH!" (X-M)

"Birdie, stay at ringside. I might need ya to lay me down some cover."

"Right, boss."

"Is Logan supposed to be at this scrap?"

"Yeah, boss. He's on the list in all the newspaper ads."

"Good." With that, Victor Creed charged down the aisle. The time for talking was done. Now, he let a red rage come over him. It was time for the kill.

"BOB WILSON!" (RBFFS)

"Hey, everyone, le's us all just hang out together..." Bob Wilson strolled lazily down to the ring, leaving a strange and oh-so-familiar smell in the air behind him, a smell that caused a rush for the food concession moments later. "We don' have to fight, ya know..." He rolled under the "ropes" and looked around. "Uh-oh."

Sabertooth snarled at him and leapt.

"This is highly ungroovy," Bob murmured, dodging for his life.

"MR. BIG!" (KOF96)

"Take good care of yourselves while I'm gone, girls. Big'll be back soon." Big kissed his women goodbye, finished his cigar, and set out to fight. He felt good. His sticks felt weighted and ready in his hands. He felt a smile spreading slowly across his face.

Then he saw who was in the ring.

The color drained out of Big's face, as he saw a pissed-beyond-conscious-thought King charging right for him.

"THE UNDERTAKER!" (WWF)

Demitri had gotten a chance to get himself together, since that madwoman had cleared most of his assailants off of him. He felt the worse for wear, but he was, by no means, done yet. There would be a reckoning.

"Vampire." The voice that issued forth was very cold. "Prepare to be buried again."

Demitri turned to see a mortal in a black hat and clothing approaching the ring. "You have got to be kidding me."

Birdman flipped his mike on. "Yes, folks, entering the ring early, the first mystery fighter of the night, the Undertaker, heading straight for the dead man himself, Demitri Maximov! This could be interesting!"

And, the final fighter of this Section:

"TAM TAM!" (SS4)

"Tam Tam win trophy! Shiny! Good to hold many fruits in! Shelter from rain!" He slid his mask down, took some practice swings, and howled to the sky. He got into the ring just in time to slash Chun Li across the leg.

UVR3 Resource Site: http://www.slack.net/~arctic/uvr3.html
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